Marriage is a wonderful gift. It is not without its challenges though. We were informed while going through pre-marital counseling that the first 3 months are usually the most challenging. These first few months are spent mostly learning more about each other than you ever imagine. Good and bad habits, routines, and certain ways that one operates in their day to day life. It is the incredibly messy state that happens when two people are in the process of colliding to become one.
I wanted to share FIVE things that I’ve learned during that first three months of marriage:
We must love each other.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-7
Love is essential and needed for both parties in the marriage. If love isn’t present, then what is the point of being married? Marriage is nothing unless it’s based on love. When you love someone, you should show it. Every single day. This is especially true when you’re married and living in the same home. Never stop showing that significant other that you love them. Everyone needs reassurance;some more than others.
I’ve learned in the early stages of marriage that love is something you do, and is demonstrated by the actions you decide to take. You choose every day whether you want to love someone, how you want to love them and how much you want to love them. Love doesn’t feel patient or feel kind or feel truth, it just is. It doesn’t feel like bearing all things or feel like hoping and enduring, it does those things. This goes against everything we’ve been taught about love. Marriage shines a bright light on all of these ‘love’ actions. Every day as a husband or wife you decide if and how you want to demonstrate your love.
2. We must respect each other.
“However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Certain things are non-negotiable and must be present at all times if anything productive is to happen. Imagine a new store that you’ve been anticipating for months is
opening. When you get there on that grand opening day you find that they didn’t install the light fixtures and although all the merchandise is there, the store is pitch black. How would you go in to shop? That’s what respect is like in a marriage or any relationship for that matter. Marriage only requires you to keep the lights on longer. Think of respect as the light that illuminates the marriage full of love. Without it, even if you had lots of love, your husband or wife wouldn’t see it. Respect must happen no matter the circumstances. Everyone is different and everyone has certain standards that they’d like to obtain. Just because you do something one way, doesn’t mean that everyone else should do it the same way. It is important in a marriage to respect your spouse and what is important to them.
3. We must count the little things.
“One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much…”
This is my own tailored understanding of this verse. If you are faithful with showing love and care through the little things, you will find it easy to be faithful in showing love and care through bigger things. If your significant other sends you a card, brings you something to drink, asks you how you’re feeling, grabs your hand while you’re driving, etc, recognize and appreciate it. Find ways to reciprocate in these little acts. Don’t wait for the big events to show them you love and care for them.
4. We must communicate and compromise.
“Two are better than one.”
Change is necessary for growth. There will always be things you may have to adjust for your partner and vice versa, but you must be willing to make those changes. In fact both parties must be willing to make some changes. Telling someone who you love that you don’t agree with them isn’t always easy, but it has to be done in order for change to happen. This is why communication is so important. Make sure communication is clear and that the conversation isn’t over until it ends in agreement, understanding or compromise. When you make decisions together, they will be more powerful and beneficial than when a decision is made alone.
In the first few months of marriage, we’ve both assumed many things that turned out to be just plain wrong but that is necessary for understanding each other better.
I think we’re both better after resolving some of our differences as we gain different perspectives and see new sides to things we otherwise would have thought were black and white.
5. We must use the Bible as a daily guide.
“This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.”
Whoever it was who wrote the bible is really, really smart! Okay, I realize that many people wrote the bible over many hundreds of years but that’s not the point.
It literally has the answer to every single question or problem you may have. Seriously, look it up.
Having the same values makes things so much easier in a marriage. My husband and I value our beliefs and turn to the Bible often. Having that in common helps us to use the Bible as our reference for things that come our way. We can both hold onto the same truth when times get tough and it unites us to get on the same team, playing under the same rules. It helps us make our big decisions and it helps us stick to our small decisions. Overall, it promises us good success and who doesn’t want a successful marriage?
The first three months of marriage for my husband and I have been wonderful and a great challenge at the same time. There’s nothing I have experienced previously that I can compare to the last few months. There’s really not much you can do to prepare for it other than being aware that it will be really exciting but you will also have some challenges and difficult times learning to be one with each other. Marriage is quite a journey as I’m starting to now understand. You hear all that stuff when people are telling you before you get married but I didn’t have a clue what it meant until now. All of the things above have contributed to making it a very enjoyable experience and I’m looking forward to the rest of it. The journey continues !
Hope you enjoyed the post
Until Next Time
Sincerely Miss J
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